After tomorrow, I will only have four weeks of lectures left. I say four weeks, in reality this means four days, as my wonderful psychology department scheduled all of my lectures for the same day. I shouldn't complain, because I only have 6 hours per week. However, it does make for some rather soul-destroying Thursdays.
I'm thrilled that I've almost made it through my first term. Not because the workload has been intense - the exact opposite, in fact - but because I'm not learning much. Since my placement year, I have realised that my interests lie elsewhere. I don't like psychology any more. Sure, it has its place, but, alas, I don't want to be part of it. Instead, I much prefer neuroscience - a related field, but in my opinion much more scientifically based than the psychology I have experienced, and much more linked to biology and how the brain works. I rather feel like this year is just going through the motions and ticking off the boxes to allow me to leave. In developmental psychology, I am currently "learning" about groups and prejudice for what feels like the billionth time. In clinical psychology, it seems all of my lecturers have ended up stuck in 1975 and have no concept of what a journal article is. This, coupled with the fact that one of my lecturers thought my chosen area of interest was pointless, means that I am definitely not considering clinical psychology as a career. Applying psychology is, well, applying psychology. Pointless, irrelevant and boring. The upshot of all this is that I'm fed up with my BSc, and want to leave. I want to conduct my own research, and learn about new things published in big journals, rather than dusty books. Sadly, I will have to continue doing what I feel like I have been doing for months now: waiting.
I used to be patient. Honestly. I'd find ways of filling my time and wouldn't worry about what was going to happen next. Now, I have had enough of waiting for things to happen. I know, I'm wishing my life away a little, but I think it's only for now. In a year or so, I am hoping to be so busy that I won't have to spend my day waiting for things to happen. However, the next 211 days (yes, I am counting) will be boring. Excruciatingly boring. I don't have much to read for my courses. I don't have to revise until April (and when that happens, it's a whole new level of boredom). I don't have any more coursework due in until the end of January. So, I'm stuck in limbo. I can't even see participants for my final year project because of ridiculous issues of scheduling. Sure, I could watch TV series or read other books. But, after a while even this is tedious.
As usual, I realise I've written a rather gloomy post. I feel a hell of a lot happier than last week (really), but I'm just bored. I feel a holiday is in order, although this could be the freezing weather talking. I guess for now all I can do is wait. Still. Oh, and check my emails - just in case. Bring on the end of term!
On a more cheerful note, I think I'm returning to my initial feelings about academia. Last week, I didn't know whether I wanted to be a researcher or not, or whether it was even a worthwhile endeavour. However, seeing a couple of things in the news about different disorders has given me a bit more encouragement.
Other than being bored and reading stuff on the internet, I haven't really done a whole lot. I have my French classes every Tuesday, and this week was well and truly back in my usual spot of 'the class nerd', having been asked to show everyone how to conjugate verbs and write them up on the board. People will either love me for the help I can give, or hate me for being the nerd. You win some, you lose some. Last week I went to the opera - it was amazing! I'd love to go again, but it is ridiculously expensive, and I must admit I did stick out like a sore thumb by being the youngest (by several decades) and apparently the only one there alone. Still, I enjoyed myself and that's all that matters.
I do wish that I had more interesting things to write about, but life doesn't work that way. This weekend I will watch the last F1 race of the season, and I really will have nothing else to do but wait. Honestly, how will I cope without Sebastian Vettel on my TV screen for three months? Let's hope it goes quickly.
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