This week has been fairly uneventful to be honest. I'm not quite sure what to write about, but I feel I should continue the religious weekly entry of blog posts.
One thing I can say is that for the first time in months I feel completely relaxed. All of the anxiety I had about one thing or another has gone. I know the reasons for this - all of which will be announced in due course (well, hopefully) - but in any case I'm so pleased that I'm getting back to a less stressed version of Maria.
The lectures this week were also not so bad for once. Alright, in developmental I had a lecture about Sesame Street (don't ask) and my lecture in clinical psychology literally ended with a prayer, but otherwise this week it was bearable. As bearable as six hours of lectures in a single day can be, at least. By some miracle, the course I absolutely hate actually had a decent lecture on aphasia (a language disorder resulting from focal brain damage for those of you who don't study psychology and haven't been told by me). Watching the videos in that lecture has strengthened my resolve to continue in clinical neuroscience and find some way of treating neurological injury. Ambitious, yes, but you have to have something to work towards!
I say that this week has been uneventful, but thinking about it, I've finally heard back about the journal article I wrote! Luckily, it should be published in the next edition of the British Journal of Neuroscience Nursing, so within the next month or so. I'm hugely proud of this achievement - I'm still an undergraduate, but I'm the lead author of a peer-reviewed journal article! It's incredibly nerdy, but it means a lot to me.
Aside from this, the rest of the week has been the usual. I had my French class on Tuesday (I still absolutely adore these lessons), I sat in the lab for a couple of days and I've been wrapped in a blanket hugging a hot water bottle the rest of the time. Things seem to be picking up for my final year project, with the prospect of starting another study soon. Overall, I think it's been a good week, and things are finally going my way. Long may it continue!
Friday, 29 November 2013
Saturday, 23 November 2013
Dear BBC
Ok, every morning when I'm at home the news tends to be on. BBC Breakfast in particular. At the weekend, there's usually a feature when people who often have nothing better to do with their time write in about how outraged some programme has made them. I tend to find these hilarious, but this morning I fear I may have temporarily joined their little club.
There was a feature on the news about chess players. There were so many things wrong with the discussion, I honestly don't know where to start. The feature itself was about a 'Scandinavian' (I didn't catch his exact nationality - even if it was mentioned) chess player (I didn't catch his name) who had become a champion. He was also 'sexy' and rich. It was such an alien concept to the BBC news readers that someone with a highly specialised interest could be not only normal, but successful! And attractive! He wasn't a nerd!
When you look at this, it's all a little ridiculous. The news readers were saying how strange it was to have a 'normal' person with a 'nerdy' interest. There was a discussion about how weird nerds are. They're not like us. They're all a bit weird. What really outraged me though, was when they came up with some flippant comments about autism. 'Chess players are all a bit autistic. They're a bit on the spectrum' (read this in your most condescending voice to get the full effect). Now, I have studied psychology for long enough to feel I can educate you: playing chess (or having a 'nerdy' interest in general) does NOT mean you have autism. It just doesn't. Go check the DSM. You will not find 'chess-playing' listed as one of the criteria for diagnosis.
Sure, in autism, you can have highly specialised interests - but this alone does not mean that you have autism. It means you are interested in something. That's it. In addition, the way the news readers were speaking about this issue can clearly contribute to the stigma that still surrounds mental health. You might as well have taken a person with autism, put them on a pedestal in the BBC studio, pointed at them with a stick and said 'this one's a bit weird'. It's just not acceptable.
On the other hand, I think this could reflect a general attitude towards people who engage in so-called 'intellectual' pursuits. Playing chess is an unusual hobby, I can accept that. My interests of opera and neuroscience are also unusual. However, it's one thing to say someone has an unusual interest, and another to imply that having these interests makes you at least a bit socially awkward, and at worst 'a bit on the spectrum'.
I consider myself to be a nerd. I was bullied horribly for this fact when I was in school. Now I am in university, I celebrate this fact (and I am hoping to base an entire career around it). I do not consider myself to be socially awkward. I'm introverted, yes, but I can engage with people normally. Like the 'other people' who don't play chess and who aren't 'nerds'. I'm not 'a bit on the spectrum'. I have nerdy interests and I think I am relatively intelligent. According to the BBC, I should therefore be an ugly, unsuccessful weirdo who doesn't go out and who doesn't interact with anyone for weeks at a time. I'll let you make your own minds up on these particular claims. Be nice.
I have never understood why people take this attitude towards 'nerds' or intelligence. If you fit either category, then clearly there is something fundamentally wrong with you. Maybe it's your looks - clearly, nerds are all ugly with bad skin, bad teeth and glasses that have been broken several hundred times from the bigger, stronger, normal kids (picture the stereotype if you will). Maybe it's the way you interact with people - you're completely antisocial, will not interact with people for weeks at a time and rarely leave your room. Clearly, these ideas are preposterous, and I am exaggerating a little. The BBC's claim that nerdiness equates to autism is beyond all of these stereotypes, and steps over the line in my opinion. If we're to get rid of these ideas, then the media has to stop saying such stupid comments.
I for one sympathise with the chess player. He's made a lot of money and he's relatively attractive - I don't see why this has to be such a crazy idea. Remember, we nerds aren't all weirdos. Nerds are people, too.
There was a feature on the news about chess players. There were so many things wrong with the discussion, I honestly don't know where to start. The feature itself was about a 'Scandinavian' (I didn't catch his exact nationality - even if it was mentioned) chess player (I didn't catch his name) who had become a champion. He was also 'sexy' and rich. It was such an alien concept to the BBC news readers that someone with a highly specialised interest could be not only normal, but successful! And attractive! He wasn't a nerd!
When you look at this, it's all a little ridiculous. The news readers were saying how strange it was to have a 'normal' person with a 'nerdy' interest. There was a discussion about how weird nerds are. They're not like us. They're all a bit weird. What really outraged me though, was when they came up with some flippant comments about autism. 'Chess players are all a bit autistic. They're a bit on the spectrum' (read this in your most condescending voice to get the full effect). Now, I have studied psychology for long enough to feel I can educate you: playing chess (or having a 'nerdy' interest in general) does NOT mean you have autism. It just doesn't. Go check the DSM. You will not find 'chess-playing' listed as one of the criteria for diagnosis.
Sure, in autism, you can have highly specialised interests - but this alone does not mean that you have autism. It means you are interested in something. That's it. In addition, the way the news readers were speaking about this issue can clearly contribute to the stigma that still surrounds mental health. You might as well have taken a person with autism, put them on a pedestal in the BBC studio, pointed at them with a stick and said 'this one's a bit weird'. It's just not acceptable.
On the other hand, I think this could reflect a general attitude towards people who engage in so-called 'intellectual' pursuits. Playing chess is an unusual hobby, I can accept that. My interests of opera and neuroscience are also unusual. However, it's one thing to say someone has an unusual interest, and another to imply that having these interests makes you at least a bit socially awkward, and at worst 'a bit on the spectrum'.
I consider myself to be a nerd. I was bullied horribly for this fact when I was in school. Now I am in university, I celebrate this fact (and I am hoping to base an entire career around it). I do not consider myself to be socially awkward. I'm introverted, yes, but I can engage with people normally. Like the 'other people' who don't play chess and who aren't 'nerds'. I'm not 'a bit on the spectrum'. I have nerdy interests and I think I am relatively intelligent. According to the BBC, I should therefore be an ugly, unsuccessful weirdo who doesn't go out and who doesn't interact with anyone for weeks at a time. I'll let you make your own minds up on these particular claims. Be nice.
I have never understood why people take this attitude towards 'nerds' or intelligence. If you fit either category, then clearly there is something fundamentally wrong with you. Maybe it's your looks - clearly, nerds are all ugly with bad skin, bad teeth and glasses that have been broken several hundred times from the bigger, stronger, normal kids (picture the stereotype if you will). Maybe it's the way you interact with people - you're completely antisocial, will not interact with people for weeks at a time and rarely leave your room. Clearly, these ideas are preposterous, and I am exaggerating a little. The BBC's claim that nerdiness equates to autism is beyond all of these stereotypes, and steps over the line in my opinion. If we're to get rid of these ideas, then the media has to stop saying such stupid comments.
I for one sympathise with the chess player. He's made a lot of money and he's relatively attractive - I don't see why this has to be such a crazy idea. Remember, we nerds aren't all weirdos. Nerds are people, too.
Wednesday, 20 November 2013
Killing Time
After tomorrow, I will only have four weeks of lectures left. I say four weeks, in reality this means four days, as my wonderful psychology department scheduled all of my lectures for the same day. I shouldn't complain, because I only have 6 hours per week. However, it does make for some rather soul-destroying Thursdays.
I'm thrilled that I've almost made it through my first term. Not because the workload has been intense - the exact opposite, in fact - but because I'm not learning much. Since my placement year, I have realised that my interests lie elsewhere. I don't like psychology any more. Sure, it has its place, but, alas, I don't want to be part of it. Instead, I much prefer neuroscience - a related field, but in my opinion much more scientifically based than the psychology I have experienced, and much more linked to biology and how the brain works. I rather feel like this year is just going through the motions and ticking off the boxes to allow me to leave. In developmental psychology, I am currently "learning" about groups and prejudice for what feels like the billionth time. In clinical psychology, it seems all of my lecturers have ended up stuck in 1975 and have no concept of what a journal article is. This, coupled with the fact that one of my lecturers thought my chosen area of interest was pointless, means that I am definitely not considering clinical psychology as a career. Applying psychology is, well, applying psychology. Pointless, irrelevant and boring. The upshot of all this is that I'm fed up with my BSc, and want to leave. I want to conduct my own research, and learn about new things published in big journals, rather than dusty books. Sadly, I will have to continue doing what I feel like I have been doing for months now: waiting.
I used to be patient. Honestly. I'd find ways of filling my time and wouldn't worry about what was going to happen next. Now, I have had enough of waiting for things to happen. I know, I'm wishing my life away a little, but I think it's only for now. In a year or so, I am hoping to be so busy that I won't have to spend my day waiting for things to happen. However, the next 211 days (yes, I am counting) will be boring. Excruciatingly boring. I don't have much to read for my courses. I don't have to revise until April (and when that happens, it's a whole new level of boredom). I don't have any more coursework due in until the end of January. So, I'm stuck in limbo. I can't even see participants for my final year project because of ridiculous issues of scheduling. Sure, I could watch TV series or read other books. But, after a while even this is tedious.
As usual, I realise I've written a rather gloomy post. I feel a hell of a lot happier than last week (really), but I'm just bored. I feel a holiday is in order, although this could be the freezing weather talking. I guess for now all I can do is wait. Still. Oh, and check my emails - just in case. Bring on the end of term!
On a more cheerful note, I think I'm returning to my initial feelings about academia. Last week, I didn't know whether I wanted to be a researcher or not, or whether it was even a worthwhile endeavour. However, seeing a couple of things in the news about different disorders has given me a bit more encouragement.
Other than being bored and reading stuff on the internet, I haven't really done a whole lot. I have my French classes every Tuesday, and this week was well and truly back in my usual spot of 'the class nerd', having been asked to show everyone how to conjugate verbs and write them up on the board. People will either love me for the help I can give, or hate me for being the nerd. You win some, you lose some. Last week I went to the opera - it was amazing! I'd love to go again, but it is ridiculously expensive, and I must admit I did stick out like a sore thumb by being the youngest (by several decades) and apparently the only one there alone. Still, I enjoyed myself and that's all that matters.
I do wish that I had more interesting things to write about, but life doesn't work that way. This weekend I will watch the last F1 race of the season, and I really will have nothing else to do but wait. Honestly, how will I cope without Sebastian Vettel on my TV screen for three months? Let's hope it goes quickly.
I'm thrilled that I've almost made it through my first term. Not because the workload has been intense - the exact opposite, in fact - but because I'm not learning much. Since my placement year, I have realised that my interests lie elsewhere. I don't like psychology any more. Sure, it has its place, but, alas, I don't want to be part of it. Instead, I much prefer neuroscience - a related field, but in my opinion much more scientifically based than the psychology I have experienced, and much more linked to biology and how the brain works. I rather feel like this year is just going through the motions and ticking off the boxes to allow me to leave. In developmental psychology, I am currently "learning" about groups and prejudice for what feels like the billionth time. In clinical psychology, it seems all of my lecturers have ended up stuck in 1975 and have no concept of what a journal article is. This, coupled with the fact that one of my lecturers thought my chosen area of interest was pointless, means that I am definitely not considering clinical psychology as a career. Applying psychology is, well, applying psychology. Pointless, irrelevant and boring. The upshot of all this is that I'm fed up with my BSc, and want to leave. I want to conduct my own research, and learn about new things published in big journals, rather than dusty books. Sadly, I will have to continue doing what I feel like I have been doing for months now: waiting.
I used to be patient. Honestly. I'd find ways of filling my time and wouldn't worry about what was going to happen next. Now, I have had enough of waiting for things to happen. I know, I'm wishing my life away a little, but I think it's only for now. In a year or so, I am hoping to be so busy that I won't have to spend my day waiting for things to happen. However, the next 211 days (yes, I am counting) will be boring. Excruciatingly boring. I don't have much to read for my courses. I don't have to revise until April (and when that happens, it's a whole new level of boredom). I don't have any more coursework due in until the end of January. So, I'm stuck in limbo. I can't even see participants for my final year project because of ridiculous issues of scheduling. Sure, I could watch TV series or read other books. But, after a while even this is tedious.
As usual, I realise I've written a rather gloomy post. I feel a hell of a lot happier than last week (really), but I'm just bored. I feel a holiday is in order, although this could be the freezing weather talking. I guess for now all I can do is wait. Still. Oh, and check my emails - just in case. Bring on the end of term!
On a more cheerful note, I think I'm returning to my initial feelings about academia. Last week, I didn't know whether I wanted to be a researcher or not, or whether it was even a worthwhile endeavour. However, seeing a couple of things in the news about different disorders has given me a bit more encouragement.
Other than being bored and reading stuff on the internet, I haven't really done a whole lot. I have my French classes every Tuesday, and this week was well and truly back in my usual spot of 'the class nerd', having been asked to show everyone how to conjugate verbs and write them up on the board. People will either love me for the help I can give, or hate me for being the nerd. You win some, you lose some. Last week I went to the opera - it was amazing! I'd love to go again, but it is ridiculously expensive, and I must admit I did stick out like a sore thumb by being the youngest (by several decades) and apparently the only one there alone. Still, I enjoyed myself and that's all that matters.
I do wish that I had more interesting things to write about, but life doesn't work that way. This weekend I will watch the last F1 race of the season, and I really will have nothing else to do but wait. Honestly, how will I cope without Sebastian Vettel on my TV screen for three months? Let's hope it goes quickly.
Wednesday, 13 November 2013
Week 7
I've had a slow week. Granted, it's only Wednesday, but it's not been fun. At the moment, I feel like I'm slogging away for not really a lot of reward. I'm still waiting for things to happen (hopefully, the waiting won't be too much longer), and it's driving me slightly mad. I'm sure I'll feel better in a couple of weeks, but right now I'm not particularly happy.
This week, my lectures are overwhelmingly uninteresting. I have to study prejudice amongst children. I remember when I did my A-Levels thinking how much I hated the topic of prejudice. That hasn't changed over almost six years. I'm not interested. Everyone knows what an in-group and out-group are. Everyone knows we prefer the in-group to the out-group. So why are we looking at the same study over and over again?
Ok, I confess that I'm slightly biased anyway, largely due to my dislike of social psychology. I'm sure it has its place, but I don't want to be part of it. My university is renowned for its social psychology department, so I probably should have gone to another uni for my BSc. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, although I wouldn't have met my friends if I'd have gone anywhere else, and I'm sure I wouldn't have gotten as much experience. Luckily, I only have one more year of studying stuff I just don't care about (well, hopefully).
Last week, I also had the joy of being told my future career path was 'pointless'. I didn't argue back, largely because it had been a long day and this particular lecturer doesn't seem like the sort of person who would listen to rational argument. I'm not sure what I felt at the time. Tired, probably. Later I felt quite annoyed, and I reached the conclusion (along with a few of my friends) that said lecturer was just plain rude.
On a more positive note, I finally handed in my research proposal. Apparently, I handed mine in just as others have started theirs. Quite what possesses people to leave such an important piece of work to the week before it's due in, I will never understand. But still, it's their choice, not mine. It will be a good few weeks until I find out how I've done. I'm not convinced that I'll get a great grade for it - largely because the word limit imposed, while suited for someone running a short questionnaire project, doesn't exactly fit with someone running a clinical trial over a number of months. But there we have it.
Sadly, I feel this post has a bit of a deflated air about it. This probably reflects my general mood at the moment, although the reasons for this are perhaps beyond the scope of a blog on the internet. I feel I'm in dire need of a holiday somewhere - so I don't have to think about studying or working or anything else. Sadly, this probably won't happen until the summer (hopefully by which time I will be feeling much better anyway). Tonight though, I'm off to the theatre to watch an opera. It will make a change to go out and do something fun - although I'll be there on my own. Still, I like to think this all contributes to my definition of an 'independent woman', along with rescuing spiders and opening jars by myself...
This week, my lectures are overwhelmingly uninteresting. I have to study prejudice amongst children. I remember when I did my A-Levels thinking how much I hated the topic of prejudice. That hasn't changed over almost six years. I'm not interested. Everyone knows what an in-group and out-group are. Everyone knows we prefer the in-group to the out-group. So why are we looking at the same study over and over again?
Ok, I confess that I'm slightly biased anyway, largely due to my dislike of social psychology. I'm sure it has its place, but I don't want to be part of it. My university is renowned for its social psychology department, so I probably should have gone to another uni for my BSc. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, although I wouldn't have met my friends if I'd have gone anywhere else, and I'm sure I wouldn't have gotten as much experience. Luckily, I only have one more year of studying stuff I just don't care about (well, hopefully).
Last week, I also had the joy of being told my future career path was 'pointless'. I didn't argue back, largely because it had been a long day and this particular lecturer doesn't seem like the sort of person who would listen to rational argument. I'm not sure what I felt at the time. Tired, probably. Later I felt quite annoyed, and I reached the conclusion (along with a few of my friends) that said lecturer was just plain rude.
On a more positive note, I finally handed in my research proposal. Apparently, I handed mine in just as others have started theirs. Quite what possesses people to leave such an important piece of work to the week before it's due in, I will never understand. But still, it's their choice, not mine. It will be a good few weeks until I find out how I've done. I'm not convinced that I'll get a great grade for it - largely because the word limit imposed, while suited for someone running a short questionnaire project, doesn't exactly fit with someone running a clinical trial over a number of months. But there we have it.
Sadly, I feel this post has a bit of a deflated air about it. This probably reflects my general mood at the moment, although the reasons for this are perhaps beyond the scope of a blog on the internet. I feel I'm in dire need of a holiday somewhere - so I don't have to think about studying or working or anything else. Sadly, this probably won't happen until the summer (hopefully by which time I will be feeling much better anyway). Tonight though, I'm off to the theatre to watch an opera. It will make a change to go out and do something fun - although I'll be there on my own. Still, I like to think this all contributes to my definition of an 'independent woman', along with rescuing spiders and opening jars by myself...
Wednesday, 6 November 2013
Halfway There
Well, this week is week 6. Halfway through term 1. I'm surprised at how quickly it's gone, but it feels like I have a long way still to go. For most of this week, I've been finishing off my final year project proposal. I've re-written the analyses section at least six times. I keep having brainwaves and new ideas, none of which I'm ever entirely happy with. This piece of work has been taking over a little just lately, but I think it's ok overall. It's not my best piece of work, but it will do.
Other than that, I'm still waiting. Now it's November, I feel the anxiety stepping up another notch. Although, for someone who says 'I can't cope with this waiting anymore' at least once a day, I seem to be doing alright. I must admit though, I will feel a million times happier once I know what I'm doing with my life.
I don't really have many distractions lately. I don't really know anyone from my year, so my final year isn't quite as enjoyable as maybe the other years were. Or perhaps it's just linked to the fact that I want to leave university now and move on to different things. I don't know. What I do know is I would be very grateful for a holiday at the moment. However, as it's nearly the end of the year, that probably won't happen. Plus, if I have interviews, I won't be able to take time off. And work is stepping up. I suppose I always have next summer, but it's such a long time away, and really I can't think much past January right now.
Ok, I'm rambling slightly, but that's what spending weeks doing coursework and answering emails will do to you.
On a more positive note, on Tuesday I had another French class, and amazingly I seem to be doing very well! I was terrified of speaking another language - writing and understanding was fine, but speaking... However, I seem to be growing in confidence every week, and I'm absolutely loving the classes. My teacher is fantastic. She's very encouraging, but she's also very, very quick to correct you when you pronounce something wrong. So, imagine my joy when last night I managed to read something to her to test my pronunciation and she replied with 'Oh, Maria, très bien! Fantastique!'. A small victory, perhaps, but I still felt proud of myself.
So, the question remains on how to keep distracting myself until I have some answers about my PhD. Today, I treated myself to a new electric whisk and made a cake. I've always said my alternative career would be a baker. I guess in a few months I will know whether I have to make that career a reality or if I can carry on studying brains. Time will tell. For now, I'll keep looking at holidays I don't have time for and practising French.
Other than that, I'm still waiting. Now it's November, I feel the anxiety stepping up another notch. Although, for someone who says 'I can't cope with this waiting anymore' at least once a day, I seem to be doing alright. I must admit though, I will feel a million times happier once I know what I'm doing with my life.
I don't really have many distractions lately. I don't really know anyone from my year, so my final year isn't quite as enjoyable as maybe the other years were. Or perhaps it's just linked to the fact that I want to leave university now and move on to different things. I don't know. What I do know is I would be very grateful for a holiday at the moment. However, as it's nearly the end of the year, that probably won't happen. Plus, if I have interviews, I won't be able to take time off. And work is stepping up. I suppose I always have next summer, but it's such a long time away, and really I can't think much past January right now.
Ok, I'm rambling slightly, but that's what spending weeks doing coursework and answering emails will do to you.
On a more positive note, on Tuesday I had another French class, and amazingly I seem to be doing very well! I was terrified of speaking another language - writing and understanding was fine, but speaking... However, I seem to be growing in confidence every week, and I'm absolutely loving the classes. My teacher is fantastic. She's very encouraging, but she's also very, very quick to correct you when you pronounce something wrong. So, imagine my joy when last night I managed to read something to her to test my pronunciation and she replied with 'Oh, Maria, très bien! Fantastique!'. A small victory, perhaps, but I still felt proud of myself.
So, the question remains on how to keep distracting myself until I have some answers about my PhD. Today, I treated myself to a new electric whisk and made a cake. I've always said my alternative career would be a baker. I guess in a few months I will know whether I have to make that career a reality or if I can carry on studying brains. Time will tell. For now, I'll keep looking at holidays I don't have time for and practising French.
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