Time Machine

Lately I've been lax in writing my blog. There are a whole host of reasons, the main one being that not much has happened. I think by this time of year, everything goes slower. We're all winding down for Christmas, and so it seems that nothing much goes on. Today though, I feel I should get back into the swing of writing this blog - if only to have an outlet for the myriad of thoughts that go around in my brain.

As you know, I'm waiting to find out what to do with the rest of my life. Ok, that may be a little dramatic, but in short I am waiting for a PhD place. I have applied for several programmes, but it seems to be taking an age to find out where I am going to end up. It's incredibly frustrating, especially because I feel I have worked incredibly hard over the last four years to get here. While I know I have a good CV behind me - I have a lot of experience in research (working directly with patients) and I have an excellent academic record - I've learnt the hard way that this still may not be enough.

Alright, I'm perhaps being overly pessimistic given that I have had an interview for a place, however at the moment I'm not holding out so much hope. The longer the waiting goes on, the more it seems that not getting where I want to be is a very real prospect. The annoying thing is that if I didn't end up somewhere, there isn't much else I could have done to get a place. Mostly, getting a PhD place seems dependent on the competition, which is usually fierce.

I'm resigned to the fact that I won't know about my PhD for at least another month. Annoyingly, I had expected to hear before Christmas and I was fully expecting to be relaxed and stress-free by now. Instead, I feel fed up with the whole thing, and feeling like this makes you question again whether any of this was a good idea. I suspect that I will feel much better once I know for sure whether I have a place - roll on January.

Aside from the endless joys of waiting to hear on postgrad stuff, I am nearing the end of the term. I can't claim that the workload has been intensive - I have had a grand total of one deadline so far. I also can't claim that I have a lot of lectures - six hours per week, all on one day. However, it's always a relief when you come to the end. Having spoken to one or two others on my course, it seems everyone is feeling the same way. I am looking forward to graduation this year. I have enjoyed most of my time here, but now I feel it's time to move on.

I realise that I have written an incredibly depressing post. Sorry. On the plus side, going through all of this has made me realise how lucky I am to have an incredible support network of family and friends. Although I am stressed like anything, it's important to emphasise how grateful I am for the support I've received - you all know who you are!

Right now, I think what I would like more than anything is a time machine, either to skip ahead and find out where I am going, or to go back to some of the more fun times in my degree. Unfortunately, Doctor Who is fiction, and as I don't know the first thing about physics I can't build my own. I guess I'll have to continue waiting and hope I don't go insane in the mean time. At least I know that whatever happens, next summer I will have a well-earned break and hopefully a holiday or two. I can't wait...